20 Things You Absolutely Have To Do In Your Twenties

  1. Breathe fire
  2. Eat a cupcake in reverse (as in, it starts in your stomach, digesting, and ends in your hand, full).
  3. Put on 70 pairs of sneakers
  4. Go to a loved one and say “hello”
  5. Eat several gerbils
  6. Wrestle an infant
  7. Eat a sandwich made of other, older sandwiches
  8. Drink an alcoholic beverage distilled from your enemies’ blood
  9. Shave your underarm hair and glue it to your forehead
  10. Punch a security guard
  11. Ice skate on a pool of frozen mayonnaise
  12. Enter your brother into a cockfighting match
  13. Answer every phone call with “this is she” over and over again, no matter what the person on the other line says
  14. Drive a close friend to insanity by insisting they don’t exist
  15. Go back in time and shoot yourself in the leg. Grandfather paradox, baby!
  16. Eat your college diploma(s) with salt and slices of american cheese
  17. Have several children, name them all Pennywhistle
  18. Legally change everyone in your town’s name to Cherry Bojangles
  19. Change your town’s name to Cherry Bojangles
  20. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!

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